AKPORS RELEASES 2012/2013 KIDNAPPERS RANSOM RATES

NATIONAL ASSOCIATION OF KIDNAPPERS PUBLIC ANNOUNCEMENT:

This is the Official 2012/13 Ransom Rates!!!:

1. Finance Minister's mum: $1B,

2. Petroleum Minister's Mum:$2B,

3. CBN gov's Mum: $2.5B,

4. VP's Mum: $4B,

5. President's Mum: 2013 budget,

6. Any gov's Mum: $1.5B.

7. Banker's wife or husband: #5 Million or at least one Honda EOD.

8. Relations to Journalists: One leather bag of Yahuza chicken with massa

9. Relations to lecturers: N1,500 MTN Recharge Card.

ADVERT:

"Show Your Loved Ones That You Care, Pay Their Ransom!"

Sign .... Akpos=)) :keep ur mama well o

JOKE- AKPOS AND MR. 419

Mr 419: Hello, how are you?
Akpos: Fine! Pls, who am i speaking with?.
Mr 419: Ha, don't u remember me,who do u know in London dat culd becalling?.
Akpos: (Sensing a scam & threw in a trap) Ejiro! Is dat u?
Mr 419: Of course, of course, this is Ejiro, i am Ejiro, how come u didn't recognise my voice?.
Akpos: Ejiro! Chei, you are a bad boy o. Your Father died, you didn'teven show up or send a letter. O boy, ur children go pay you back. You no hear of him death, he was so bitter and full of curses for u.
Mr 419: (Obviously subdued)I didn't hear o!. I would have come.
Akpos: Did u hear your Mother had leprosy?. U didn't hear about dat too abi?.
Mr 419: (Now uncomfortable) No, i didn't hear.
Akpos: Na wa o! Your wife foolishtoo?. I neva hear from her since d two of una marry without our blessings!. If Husband no wise, wife no go wise?.
Mr 419: She is fine! I'm sure she'll get across to u. I have an issue to discuss with u.
Akpos: Enhen! Ejiro, you offend me. I send u money make you buyme Hummer Jeep, u disappear. When am i having my money back?. U want make i curse you like ur Father. I go pronounce wicked curses on you o.
Mr 419: Dis issue dat i want to sayis very important.
Akpos: Shut up!. When u go send money come home?. We sent u to school, clothed you & sent u abroad. U don become 419?. Wey won steal from me, ur own friend?. Oboy, ur Father was right to curse you, you can't escape it if u continue like this.
Mr 419: Don't worry, i will repay you ur money. For now, i have an issue to discuss with u.
Akpos: Hahahahaha, look here Mr 419, i no know any Ejiro or anybody 4 London, i jus wan teach u lesson.
Mr 419: Whaat! Mad man, and youhave been insulting and wasting ma credit since morning. God go judge u

JOLE- IF ANIMAL COULD ACCESS FACEBOOK, THIS WILL BE THEIR LIKELY UPDATES

If ANIMALS could access FACEBOOK. These are most likely to be their STATUS UPDATES..

JOKE- AKPORS ANSWERED THE WEDDING QUESTION EASILY - VERY FUNNY!!KE-

Little Akpors was attending his first wedding. After the service, his younger cousin - Okon asked him, 

"How many women can a man marry?" 
"Sixteen." Akpors responded. 

Okon was amazed that he answered so quickly and asked; 
"How do you know that?" 

"Easy," Akpors replied, "all you have to do is add it up, like the preacher said: 

'Four better, four worse, four richer, four poorer'. !Hahahahahh

JOKE-AKPORS & THE TEACHER

Breaking News: 5 Died in a Car Accident in Warri. 

The following day, In classroom the teacher asks Akpors to count from 0 to 10 

Akpor: 0 1 2 3 4 6 7 8 9 10 

Teacher: Where is 5? 

Akpor: Yesterday I heard on the news that 5 died in a car accident. 

JOKE- TYPES OF GAS

It was a Chemistry Class and the Teacher Asked the Students to name the Types of Gases they Knew. 

Damoche:- oxygen Gas 
Vincent:- Nitrogen Gas 
Lizzy:- Hydrogen gas 
Akpos:- Tear Gas ma 

Teacher:- Akpos You have just one More chance to Answer the Question correctly, else you will be punished 

Akpos thinks hard and Says: Fabregas .

Hahahahahahah.

"MADE IN NIGERIA ENGLISH"

These are the Popular List of Nigeria Made English most especially Used by the Igbos in Lagos and other Part of Nigeria lol.

*ABEG DRESS BACK.

*If I hear pim, u go hear weeen.

JOKE- The 2 Rapist (Raped the King's Daughter)

Two guys raped a princess. When they were caught and taken to the king for punishment. The king ordered them to go and get as many fruits as they can to bail themselves.

The first one went and returned with 15 Mangoes, the king ordered the guards to insert the Mango into his ass so that he will feel the same pain as the raped Princess. The guy screamed and shouted throughout the insertion.

Suddenly, he began to laugh out loud, the guard asked him why he was laughing in pain.

He pointed ahead and said

.

.

.

"Look at my friend (Akpos), he is bringing WATER MELONs." lol

JOKE- (SCORED F IN SEX - THE FOOLISH BOY!)

A 9 Year old boy was looking at his Mum's National ID Card. It's written on it:-

Name:- Matilda Sackey.

Age:- 35

Sex:- F

He Started Laughing so Loud. His mum asked? What is Funny?The Boy replied, now i know why daddy divorce you. Because you had F in Sex . lol 

JOKE OF THE DAY:- THE MAD ARMY, DON'T DARE THEM

A Man was on high speed, he got to an Army checkpoint without slowing down, so they told him to park his car and ordered him to carry 1000 blocks from one Side of the road to the other side.

After carrying 900 blocks, he noticed that their 'Oga' was his Primary School classmate, so he went to complain to him, The Oga was really angry with what his Boys told his Long time classmate was asked to do, So he asked him ''have you started carrying the blocks?, the man said ''I have carried 900 already, so the oga said" Please don't be angry, ''RETURN THEM''.  

JOKE- EKAETE AND HER MOTHER

JOKES OF THE DAY. Ekaete gets pregnant and her madam is angry and said ' Ekaete i thought i told you that if any man touch your breast you should say DONT and if he touches your nyash you should say STOP' . Ekaete replies, but madam na the two e touch at the same time so i tell am 'DONT STOP. Hehehehe

JOKE- IGBO MAN IN GALILEE

An Igbo man travelled to Isreal. when he got to the sea of galilee,

he was to crossover with a boat. and he asked the captain how much to crossover. He replied $500 and the Igbo man shouted CHINEKE!! No wonder Jesus walked on the sea....... LWKM

ooo.

JOKE- PRISON AND THE PRISONER

The bride tells her husband,

"Honey, you know I'm a

virgin and I don't know

anything about sex. Can you

explain it to me first?"

"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it

simply, we will call your

private place 'the

prison' and call my private

thing 'the prisoner'. So what

we do is: put the

prisoner in the prison.

And then they made love for

the first time.

Afterwards, the guy is lying

face up on the bed, smiling

with satisfaction.

Nudging him, his bride

giggles, "Honey the prisoner

seems to have escaped."

Turning on his side, he

smiles. "Then we will have to

re-imprison him."

After the second time they

spent, the guy reaches for

his cigarettes but

the girl, thoroughly enjoying

the new experience of

making love, gives him

a suggestive smile, "Honey,

the prisoner is out again!"

The man rises to the

occasion, but with the

unsteady legs of a recently

born foal.

Afterwards, he lays back on

the bed, totally exhausted.

She nudges him and says,

"Honey, the prisoner

escaped again."

Limply turning his head, He

YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a

life sentence,

OKAY!

JOKE- PRISON AND THE PRISONER

The bride tells her husband,

"Honey, you know I'm a

virgin and I don't know

anything about sex. Can you

explain it to me first?"

"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it

simply, we will call your

private place 'the

prison' and call my private

thing 'the prisoner'. So what

we do is: put the

prisoner in the prison.

And then they made love for

the first time.

Afterwards, the guy is lying

face up on the bed, smiling

with satisfaction.

Nudging him, his bride

giggles, "Honey the prisoner

seems to have escaped."

Turning on his side, he

smiles. "Then we will have to

re-imprison him."

After the second time they

spent, the guy reaches for

his cigarettes but

the girl, thoroughly enjoying

the new experience of

making love, gives him

a suggestive smile, "Honey,

the prisoner is out again!"

The man rises to the

occasion, but with the

unsteady legs of a recently

born foal.

Afterwards, he lays back on

the bed, totally exhausted.

She nudges him and says,

"Honey, the prisoner

escaped again."

Limply turning his head, He

YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a

life sentence,

OKAY!

VERY HOT!!! CHECK IT OUT

Hi friends! Its been a while.
Let Play this Game Its very funny and interesting.

☀ Imagine u're in a burning House and you have the opportunity of picking just One (1) thing from the house .
Which of the following would you pick ?

(1) 50 million

(2) Ur Mum

(3) Ur 3yr old Son

(4) Ur Certificate

(5) Ur Holy Qur'an/ Bible

(6) Ur Husband/ wife .

Be sincere and  reply this Post. hahahahaha!!

Saving for Range Rover...Hahahahahah

 

At this rate it will probably take him 10 years to finish saving...but I love his spirit...hahahaahahah

FUNNY JOKE-THE PROSTITUDE AND THE NIGERIAN

A FRENCH GUY CAME TO NIGERIA
AND MET A PROSTITUTE.She was
good in bed,so he made a deal
with her 2 be wit him through his
stay and promised 2 pay her on d
last day.On d last day ,he paid her
in ... dollars and she saw him off 2
da airport.And wen he was about
climbing d stairs,with a wicked
smile, he whispered 2 her "LA
DOLLAR LA FAKE".The prostitute
smiled back and whispered 2 him
"LA PUSSY LA AIDS!! HAHAHAHAHAH

JOKE- THE ILLITERATE WARRI MAN

                
An illiterate warri man travelled
abroad. He entered a restaurant
n wanted to order chicken bt he
couldn't remember what chicken is
called in english. Luckily for him
he sees anoda man on d next
table with four eggs in his plate.
Happily he calls out d waiter n
point @ d eggs on d mans
plate."Abeg I want their
mama"

JOKE-WATIN MAN GO DO.

if man enter plane..plane go crash...if man enter car, car go get accident,..if man enter ship, ship go sink..if man sleep for house..aeroplane go crash enta him room..if man go church,..boko haram fit detonate bomb...if man travel go back village, kidnappers fit catch am.. which kind life be this..where person fit dey safe. Hahahahaha

JOKES:- QUESTION TAGS (TEACHER VS STUDENTS)

Teacher:- We are talking about what we called "Question Tags", Example are:- 

She is Coming, isn't she?
They have eaten, havn't they?
Teacher:- Now who can give me another Example?
Dele:- Na Yam we go chop today, Chopn't we?
Techer:- What kind of Sentence is that, Pls who can Correct him?
Ganbo:- Aunty, pls no mind him jare, the Correct one na, Na yam we go chop today, Yamn't we?